I've never been afraid of hard work
and I've never had much want or
need for money... but this year was
different. Although I did get this new
leg approved through Duke University
Hospital after that whole long and drawn
out battle with UNC Hospital... seems
even still there was some level of
frustration towards the end of the process
where the final casting would be made
out of carbon fiber and then decorated
with the image of my choice, out of my
old tee shirt collection I chose a
dragon of oriental descent, and they did
such a magnificent job in putting it all
together i just didn't have the heart to
tell them it just didn't fit.... it seems
many things have changed since my
first and only fitting at Duke University.
They did things differently then but as
times change methods and structures
must change with them... now everything
is outsourced and although my prosthitisis
has nearly 25 years of experience there is
not the level of expertise and prestiege as
once commanded under the University domain
So rushing through to the final process some
major alterations were misapplied and the
leg still falls off after a few hours exertion
and the dynamics are all wrong. Two things
the majority of limbs constructed today conform
to latest technology of using a flexible liner...
i had this once and didn't trust or like it... primarily
it leaked air like a sieve - no good for bicycling
up Hill and since the last two places I've lived
in gives reference Hills within it's pronunciation
I prefer to stick to the older tecnology where
i have been accustomed to bicycling as much
as 60 or 80 miles in a single day without any
fear of my leg falling off... With a flexible socket
the material extends further up the side of the
hip region - the thought being that this increases
stability in the leg allowing for a more fluid sense
of control. However, the old hard sockets had far
different and more rigid guide lines for retaining
suction, stability and control. The leg, rather than
expanding above the hip, forms more of a clamping
in at key presure points just below the hip and
forms a long narrow but gradually expanding
ledge along the seat for long hours of use. The
problem is no one appears to remember how these
old hard sockets are supposed to be constructed
and the tendency is to transpose elements of the
new technology for soft socket construction into
the old hard case design, but with disasterous
results. Apart from falling off after only a few hours
use, the other most disconcerting difficulty with the
new and improved design, is that in diminishing
essential pressure points once i break a sweat the
whole leg begins to rotate inward so that it is like walking
up hill constantly wearing me down. But other than that
i sure like the way it looks, and hate to trash all this
beautiful work and go back to square one - though it
does seem that now i have a little better understanding
of the process having endured this for so long.

But that isn't even the reason for this post, only some
background information so that you might better understand
how the past few months came about. Yeah, technically i do
qualify for disability and i think it is fair to say that i earned it.
Had it not been for the wellfare and happiness of my cat
i could have moved into government housing 2 years ago.
She has always been free to come and go as she pleases
indoor or out and it has been an ideal neighborhood for her to
roam free. So in order to keep this roof over my head quite
a bit of supplimental income is necessary and i don't mind
telling you landscaping is a difficult physically demanding
job even for a man with two good legs. Don't get me wrong
i am damn greatful to have the work, it's just been hard going
with all the complications that have accured over the New Year.
Perhaps some of you will remember my initial plan to invest
more of my creative energy into the production art, commissioned
or otherwise. But it seems the added effort to hard labor has
in some ways increased this clarity of purpose. More books are
the way and soon the pain of purple painful prostheic ill fitting
suction will be a thing of the past. The leg just never has a chance
to heal and some days appears nearly necrotic. Some days every
step is excruciating pain at least until the numbness sets in (or not).
The few commissioned connections i had seem to have fallen through
for now, but there is a street fair every last friday in this sleepy little town
and almost have enough jewery and wood carvings to make this
worth while might even lead into future portrait commissions
although last year there appears to have been a fairly competent
artist there sewing up that market. Never hurts to try. Nothing
would please me more than to continue this research i have been
conducting, uninterrupted towards the publication of this book.

For all the years of hardship and struggle everything now comes
full circle back to being an artist.

May the wind always be upon your back and your path through
life reasonably unimpeded...